Now people generally read the “About” page to work out if the business or person has the expertise, is worth listening to, taking advice from and is going to give them value… Well that’s fair enough. I read it for that reason, so should you but in all honesty, I find most “about” pages somewhat boring!  For that reason, I might just break the mold here if you don’t mind…

Let’s get the boring qualifications part out of the way first so we can get to the interesting stuff…  Here they are:

Qualifications to be a Relationship Specialist:

• Certified Life Coach
• Certified Master Results Coach
• Certified Master in Neuro-Linguistic Programming
• Certified Master in Hypnosis
• Divorced once (even got a certificate for that)
• Currently in an Ultimate Relationship for over 9 years (no certificate but got a husband who’ll vouch for me!)
• Been coaching since 2003 on and off

It’s safe to say that that list doesn’t really tell you a whole lot now, does it… Well, there is no particular structure here so hold on for the ride and keep all personal items where you can see them… I wouldn’t want you to lose any baggage now. Oh wait, yes I would (only the stuff you don’t need though!)

First of all, I’m human! While I have experienced (or made) a lot of the typical relationship mistakes, I don’t profess to have all the answers.  If for some reason I don’t have an answer for you, then I’ll admit I don’t know and gladly go in search of one, or find someone else that does.  Is that a fair deal?

(Excellent! It’s been agreed that Rach doesn’t have to be a know-it-all!)

Ok, now to give you reasons to actually listen to me…

Once upon a time in a land far far away, an 18 year old girl fell in love (or what she thought was love) with a handsome man and they got engaged.  At 18 she felt she had experienced the world (12 months as an exchange student and she thinks she’s “worldly”), she knew what she wanted and was ready to settle down (even though she’d not done the go-out-clubbing-every-weekend thing or the live-on-her-own thing)…

She had never been in a long-term relationship and for some reason she thought that you had to have a lot of things in common in order for it to be successful (still not sure where she learned that). She created an interest in the things he loved like cars, motorbikes, water skiing and wakeboarding (to name a few).  She got to know his friends which then became their friends.  She did do a few things on her own like netball and drama but for various reasons they fell away from her life.  Her life slowly became his…

Everything cruised along until she nearly fainted in the shower at home (her mother’s house) one day, she had a blood test and surprise surprise, she was up the duff!  That wasn’t in the plan, they were still living in separate houses and she was just 21.

There’s nothing like having a baby to speed things up.  They moved in together 3 months before their little girl was born and that’s when things really got interesting.  If you want to get to know someone then live with them, if you really want to get to know them, have a child together…. I’m just saying…

There was trouble in paradise before this point though.  He had a jealous and possessive streak, she was naturally social and flirty but she curbed it to keep him happy (note: this was her choice).  He was head strong and had career aspirations which she completely supported (as a good wife should), even when it put major stress on them financially (quitting on the spur of the moment will do that).  Whatever he wanted to do next, she supported and just coped with it, at the same time started to have her own career goals which meant she was earning more than him.

At the 5 year mark they got married.  She had always planned on marrying him; they had the house and the child so really, that was just the next thing… wasn’t it?  Needless to say, the cloud of a fairytale wedding was enough to stop the process of actually considering what she truly wanted.  Enough said.

For over 2.5 years she was the good wife and a good mum but somewhere in there she lost who she was.  If she got a day to herself she caught up on washing or cleaning, if he had a day off he had a thousand things he could do and none were at home… This frustrated her but she couldn’t figure out what was wrong.  Why didn’t she know what she wanted to do?

They would fight over the same things all the time; her at him for the lack of help around the house or taking care of their daughter without being prompted, and him at her for talking to guys she doesn’t know, losing her phone in a night club and arguing over what time she “should” be home… I mentioned jealous and possessive, yeah?

Their fights were getting worse, more often and they never seemed to get resolved.  He would try to have sex with her and she’d be “too tired” (well, working full time, keeping a house clean and taking care of a child will do that).   He felt disconnected and so did she but neither knew what was going on underneath.  Neither was taught how to really communicate, how to make each other feel loved or how to create a healthy relationship.  Doomed from the start in some ways…

One day while cleaning the house, she put the vacuum cleaner down, stood up and for a brief second thought about her future… Her stomach filled with dread and despair and her only thought was “is this what my life is going to be like?” She couldn’t see anything rosy about it.  She was miserable but didn’t realise it at the time, she was just numb…

One day a gorgeous hunk of a man started at her work and they hit it off immediately.  They had lunch together and chatted in breaks (or while working) and there seemed to be a mutual spark.  It was on her last day at that job that she realised it wasn’t just a “like” thing… she REALLY liked him, in ways a married woman shouldn’t like someone…

Now she could have made a fatal error here and had an affair but she didn’t.  Her highest value was honesty and she’d always said that if one or the other had “feelings” for someone else that it meant there was something wrong within the relationship… although she never pictured it would be her.

She went home and told her husband.  His first reaction – “it’s him or me”.  Long story short, she chose to stay with her husband but from then on he was always next to her, telling her he loved her, took her out for lunch and was very affectionate… to the point where she felt suffocated.  She couldn’t even work out her own thoughts because he was always there.  As you’d expect though, it’s natural when you think you’re going to lose something; you hold on tighter.

A few days later she had a coffee with a girlfriend who just asked questions.  The questions themselves made her come out with answers that surprised her… the last question being “what do you really feel you should do?” and the answer was “leave… I need to leave”.  A huge weight lifted off her shoulders at that moment.  Her gut instinct was so loud it couldn’t be ignored.  It had been niggling at her for months that something was wrong but she did nothing to work it out, just kept existing day to day.

She felt guilty for leaving because he wasn’t physically abusive and although the relationship wasn’t really a partnership (more father-daughter/protector), they did love each other, didn’t they?  He had his faults and things weren’t fantastic but they weren’t terrible.  At the same time she realised that somehow she’d fallen out of love with him; leaving felt so right, and how could it feel right if it was wrong?

She left and she left her daughter with him.  She’d done most of the parenting as well as the house care, worked full time and did nothing for herself. Now all she wanted was to discover who she was, what she wanted, time to herself and to be free.  This plagued her at the same time, how could a mother not want her child?  What kind of mother would feel like that?  She couldn’t admit it to anyone though.  When she finally agreed to have her daughter for week on, week off, she was already dreading having to pick her up from the moment she dropped her off.

She had spent so much time devoting time and energy to everyone and everything else that all she wanted to do was find herself.  This also included exploring her options when it came to men. Her ex was her first real lover and now she wanted to know what it was like with someone else.

Vodka became a fast friend and she made up for that clubbing phase she skipped in her teens.  From the outside it seemed that she went from one extreme to the other, which often happens when one suddenly becomes free.  It was a highly emotional and chaotic time; even she herself would ask why she did some of that stuff.

It was during that time that she picked up… um, I mean… met her current husband.  He too was not long out of a long term relationship and neither were looking for “the one”.  From the beginning she was adamant that she have her own life and that he have his. It was important to her that they never fight about the same thing more than once and would discuss things maturely.

She used everything she learnt from her last relationship to make this one work.  She did personal development courses, had a coach, read books and learned from other sources about how to create her ultimate relationship.  Having failed once, she wasn’t going to do it again.  She learned how to make him feel loved and was able to communicate how he could make her feel loved, then the rest became easy.

All the work she did paid off; she found herself, was able to reconnect with her daughter and they are now happily living together full time.  9 years on and she has discovered her passion and purpose, and not a day goes by that they don’t work as a team or support each other.  They barely have misunderstandings let-a-lone “fights”, they fall more and more in love with each other every day, and they are evolving their relationship in ways many couples never even dream of.  Today they have another daughter and the four of them are living it up in Melbourne together!

See? So it does have a happy ending… Oh but if you were wondering about the gorgeous hunk of a man she left for, it turned out he had commitment issues and in hindsight (that wonderful thing), he was just the catalyst that got her to take massive action leading her to the love of her life. (Something she is forever grateful to him for, even though he broke her heart…)

So there is the story of her… well, my life and while it’s not complete, you get the idea.

In short, I’m a thirty-something woman who’s passionate, open-minded, caring, and easy to talk to.  People seem to open up to me, it’s always been the case and that might be because I’m the last person to judge anyone.

Helping people create their own ultimate relationship while being true to themselves is my passion, and the happiness that comes with that is something I believe everyone deserves.  I did personal development courses to work through my own “love junk”, and at the same time I gained the skills and tools to help others do the same.

I’ve loved, I’ve left. I’ve felt guilt, cried tears, complied and learned to stand up for myself.  I’ve screamed and yelled, thrown baby bottles at ex husbands in anger, and learned better ways to communicate.  I’ve been scared yet I’ve surrendered; I learned how to truly love while allowing myself to be loved.

Too many people settle for a relationship that’s not their ultimate.  They make excuses that it’s “almost” what they want…  They put up with things, change who they are to suit the other person and in the end, they get lost and only find misery… I know, because I did it.  A better relationship can’t come along or grow if you hold onto the one that is not everything you want.  It takes 2, and it takes education; most people don’t even know what their ultimate relationship looks like!

If after all that you don’t think there is anything I can help you with, then fantastic, you should be doing this with me!  If you think I have some experience that you could learn from, or you just want to work through something with someone who doesn’t judge you, then take my hand (or email me) and lets get you on the right track to finding yourself, learning to love and creating your ultimate relationship whether you’re already a couple, or temporarily single.